OK so it's been a while since my first post but if you knew me then you would know how truly rubbish I am at keeping up with things!
I have also been wondering what I should write about :/ My family would kill me if I wrote about the horrors of my childhood so it will just have to be randomness I'm afraid and perhaps an anonymous blog for all the rest...
So I thought I would start with one about S.A.D, you may of heard of it but if not then here is a brief description...
The symptoms of SAD usually recur regularly each winter,
starting between September and November and continuing
until March or April.
A diagnosis can be made after three or more consecutive winters of symptoms, which may include a number of the following:
- Low mood, worse than and different from normal sadness
- Negative thoughts and feelings
- Guilt and loss of self-esteem
- Sometimes hopelessness and despair
- Sometimes apathy and inability to feel
- The need to sleep more
- A tendency to oversleep
- Difficulty staying awake during the day and/or disturbed sleep with
very early morning wakening
- Fatigue, often incapacitating, making it very difficult or impossible to carry out normal routines
- Craving for carbohydrates and sweet foods leading to an increase in weight
- Difficulty with concentration and memory
- The brain does not work as well, or as quickly
- Finding it harder to be with people
- Stress is harder to deal with
Loss of Libido
- Less interest in sex and physical contact
Sudden Mood Changes in Spring
- Sharp change in mood
- Some experience agitation and restlessness and/or a short period of
hypomania (over activity)
- No dramatic mood change but a gradual loss of winter symptoms
(This was taken from http://www.sada.org.uk/symptoms-of-SAD.html )
It's hard to understand if you don't get affected my this so trust me when I say...IT'S BLOODY HELL!... I honestly can't remember the last time I spent a winter doing normal things and feeling well. I don't tend to talk about it very much ... apart from with him indoors... as to be fair it's a bit boring really! and I suppose people wouldn't think that I suffer with depression because of how I am.
Which leads me to my fine acting skills... My gorgeous cousin isn't the only one with such talents, but I shall talk about her gorgeousness later x
So anyway back to me!... I have learnt to hide behind a mask of laughter, which I suppose has made me worse off really. I mean if your constantly acting it becomes quite stressful which in turn leads to a deeper depression. Also when you spend so much of your time perfecting your hard outer shell you loose social skills. This sounds odd... but it's true! If I know that I have to sit in a room with just one person and have a conversation .... well I probably just wouldn't do it! I'll make my excuses and hide in my house away from the unnecessary stress of a talking about life and everyone in it!
I suppose if I had known that my life would consist of depression in the winter months and being a loon in the summer I'm not sure that I would of chosen to have children. Yes that is harsh and as I write it I don't believe that I could of spent my life with out them, but I feel very selfish as well.
To wake in the morning and feel like you didn't even go to bed, to not have the energy to tidy or cook let alone take the kids out or play with them is no life during these months. So my family really suffer as I wonder through alone in my head space. BUT...
The light box is a marvelous thing! I haven't started using it this year yet but will be starting tomorrow!!! So hopefully between that and the yummy drugs my GP has me on will make this winter a bit more bearable! for me and my long suffering family, for whom I could not go on with out x